AnJuli's blog

Can you miss what you never had?

Every now and then, well, relatively often, I sink into a very contemplative phase. I use this time to inadvertently reflect upon the decisions I've made for my future and, in some cases, reevaluate said decisions. These phases of contemplation are generally triggered by viewing something, or overhearing something, that either completely reinforces how I feel in every possible way, or makes me want to do a total 180 on the issue.

The other day my co-worker, who is planning a wedding, was watching Say Yes to the Dress. It's a show on TLC that involves brides, with far too much money, shopping for wedding dresses.

Say Yes to the Dress: 100 Dresses

I found myself watching the show with something akin to morbid wonder. The women are so picky and anal over a dress that they'll wear for one day. And not even the entire day. I found myself wondering, "Will I feel as though my life was lacking if I never did... that?" I answered the question before I was even half done asking it. My response? A snort, full of disdain, and an idly muttered "No."

Later that day I saw this family at the store. They came complete with the most adorable little girl or boy child-type accessory. I mean, really, who can tell them apart until puberty? Either way, the kid was cute, well-behaved, and holding a book. I just wanted to pick it up, squeeze it with glee and give it right back. Because the most adorable short prepubescent did not make me want to procreate.

That said, I should probably wonder why I consider children to be accessories of their parents until they're sometime around their teen years. Whenever I see a woman, or man, walking down the street holding a child, I find myself comparing their cuteness of the offspring to the cuteness of their purse or shoes. Generally speaking, the purse wins. Purses are useful.

The Disclaimer

I Don't Care

"The views, opinions, and judgments expressed in this message are solely those of the author and do no reflect the views, policies or goals of -name of AnJuli's workplace-"

On something somewhat related to a quarterly basis, we have staff meetings at work. They used to be called shift meetings because everyone that worked your shift was supposed to show up on a certain but everyone always had plans on the day their shift was to meet and would go to a meeting for a different shift so now they're called staff meetings and you just show up to one.

Generally the company schedules three or four because, due to nature of our business, something like 1/4 of the employees are on duty at all times and can't make it on a certain date so they have to schedule alternate dates and the end result is the supervisors end up saying the say thing to multiple groups of equally apathetic people.

Either way, the company uses these meetings to institute new policies, inform us of how to use new equipment and chastise us for things that other paramedics around the country did wrong. Last shift meeting we were told about something a paramedic did in like Nebraska and informed to never do that. The administrative staff at my job are very proactive.

There has been a rash of people getting their employers in trouble for things they posted on a social networking site. Mind you, we did have one incident that involved the termination of two employees due to a facebook posting but, for the most part, we've been very good, as a company, about not blogging, facebooking, tweeting, or myspacing things that would get the company in trouble. However, some paramedics in BFE are not so the company proactively instituted a social networking policy.

I'm half tempted to type the entire thing up but it's long and I'm not that upset about. So, here are the highlights...

"If you post any content to the internet (written, vocal or visual), which identifies or could identify you as a member of -NAME-' membership and / or discuss your work or anything related to -NAME- or its business, patients, or membership, -NAME- expects you to conduct yourself professionally and appropriately and in a manner consistent with your employment..."

Uh huh.

"It should be noted that simply revealing your name or a visual image of yourself in uniform could be sufficient to identify you as an individual who is a member of -NAME-"

Did I... sell my name to the company as a condition of employment? Because last time I checked, and I really did just look it up, I have not mentioned the company by name since April of 2009. That's... 18 months ago? And while I do have an image of my work badge, the company isn't shown on it. We talked about whether pictures of us in uniform where you can't positively ID the name of the company count and they don't. So... is my employer saying anytime I talk about work, since I blog under my real name, that I have to put a disclaimer on my blog because um, last I checked, I didn't sell the rights to my name.

Then the policy goes on to talk about divulging information about other members, using the internet to harass coworkers or violating patients' rights, you know, all the things I've never done. I think, for the most part, I just refer to my coworkers as "partner" or "coworker" unless I hang out with them outside of work, then they have a name. If I blog and use their name, which apparently the company owns, do I need a disclaimer?

What gets me is the fact that one has to go back well over a year to find out that name of where I work but if I were to use the disclaimer, it would just tell them. Yes, it's known that I'm a paramedic in the  Houston area but there are over 300 private companies and five or six 911 responder companies I could feasibly be working for. And that's assuming I work less than an hour from where I live. If I wanted to commute, as some of my coworkers do, it would open the number of places I work into... I don't even know how many. It's that vast.

Back to the policy.

"If you already have a personal blog or website which indicates in any manner that you work for -NAME- you must include the disclaimer on your personal blog or website."

Once again, over a year ago.

Then there's some stuff about what to do in the event that the media contacts you about your online publications. I would be shocked, honestly, if the news called me and was like, "We understand that you work for -NAME- and three and a half weeks ago your blog stated 'Sometimes work is just really trying.' Do you feel that your job is too difficult?"

So there we go. My blog, and my name, come with a disclaimer. My new signature line will be...

AnJuli Reid
A girl that loves her job so much she's putting this disclaimer everywhere.
The views, opinions, and judgments expressed in this message are solely those of the author and do no reflect the views, policies or goals of her employer.

The Obligatory Clean-Up Post

Summer classes are over! And I passed them all! Although I got a B in Art History so I can no longer reward myself with a new laptop. Either way, I was sending a photo to the blog and realized that I have a few pictures I never put into an entry. So.. here goes.

 

"Has the chair been bad?"

 

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I was working a 36 hour shift at two different stations a few weeks back. Well, I worked a 24 hour shift at my usual station and then went to another station for 12 hours. It was... exhausting. Either way, I went into one of the bedrooms and tossed my stuff down while paying absolutely no attention to any of the furniture. The student walks by the bedroom I was in was between the living room and the bathroom glances in and says, "Has the chair been bad?"

 

Paramedics in the Bureaucracy

 

 

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For many paramedics on the key reasons we enjoy our job and with all the crap we have to put up with in exchange for what barely qualifies as a paycheck we need to like our job is the fact that it isn't very "mainstream". It's a necessary industry. It sounds cool. The fact that we only work like 8 days a month is awesome. More importantly, it's as far from 9-5 as you can get without going back. So imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon this paragraph in my government book. The last half it's a bit cut off but it was the only way I could get the words to show up clearly basically calls firefighters bureaucrats. While paramedics aren't firefighters many places fail to differentiate the two. This could be because, for many places, one has to be a firefighter to be a paramedic and vice versa.

                          Aim Your Heart

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My partner and I were dropping off a patient at the hospital when we stumbled upon this little... suggestion card that the nursing staff were supposed to follow. We spent the rest of the shift opening our palms and aiming our hearts at each other for every single little thing. It was like, "My heart is aimed. Will you pass me a flush?" It was hilarious.

50 Great Ways to Give

I was going through my 40things.com account, doing the usual adding and deleting of goals, and realized that there are a few that have been up there for awhile. My goals to take a cruise and visit all seven continents will take several years to come to fruition but...

The 50 Great Ways to Give goal should have been done within a year of being put up. It's not a list full of difficult things.

Donate blood.

Say a prayer for someone who’s hurting. I'm an atheist and thus don't pray. I do, however, routinely help those who are hurting as part of my job. In fact, a patient last night gave me a hug and thanked me for "being there". I consider this fulfilled.

Smile at a stranger. I’ve been doing this for years. I think it’s mostly because I’m happily off in lala land and people think I’m smiling at them. Either way, they get smiled at.

Hold the door. I also hold the elevator but not the escalator. If you miss that you're just special.

Give up your seat.

Participate in a race that benefits a charity.

Send a thank-you card to someone who’s shown you kindness. I really want to buy a package of thank you notes and send them out just because. However... in this time of email and smartphones, I don't know anyone's address.

Let go of an old grudge. I'm really bad at remembering I was mad about something to begin with.

Stay calm during a stressful time. Once again... things I do at work. That's one thing I really like about my profession. It explains, though it didn't cause, my almost apathetic lack of emotion during a crisis. When my body goes into fight or flight mode my mind goes into super-logical lala land. Yes, I look and act like I don't care but deep down in the recesses of my mind, I'm finding a way out of the crisis.

Mentor a colleague who’s new to your field. Fun and worth it.

Throw a party for someone celebrating a milestone. Yeah... throwing / hosting parties isn't in my personality.


Next time you’re ready to honk at another car, don’t. Ah. Will power.


Give directions to someone who’s lost. The best part was… I knew where I was! Normally I’m the one asking for directions.


Give a compliment. I feel awkward when I give them but I like the look on the person’s face afterwards.

Write a letter to a person who’s made a difference in your life. Hm. This will be interesting.

Plant a tree. I’ve planted one before, I just haven’t gotten around to buying a tree so I can plant another one.


Tell your mom you love her. It made her paranoid.


Elect to be an organ donor. I already am one. I should probably find my organ donor card and put it in my purse though.


Make a donation, however small, to your favorite charity. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve given away money. I very firmly believe that giving away a percentage of my take-home pay on payday makes the rest last longer. I just gave it to an actual charity this time.


Extend a warm welcome to a newcomer. My job keeps hiring new people and I do my best to welcome them. Well, welcome them and be nice about it.

Put yourself in another person’s shoes.

Reduce, reuse, recycle. I'm a tree-hugger. My mantra is reduce, reuse, recycle.

Become a Big Brother or a Big Sister. I I don't... like children.

Spend time with an elderly person. Or old people.


Tell a joke. No one got it. That’s why I don’t tell jokes.


Surprise someone. Ah, Kenneth.


Praise someone who’s done well. The person I mentored did well.


Help a fellow traveler with her luggage.


Let your spouse sleep late. I let Kenneth, not my spouse, sleep late. Then I wake him up because I'm bored. But I let him sleep later than me.

Kick bad habits, like smoking, that can harm others. I have a bad habit that harms others? What is it?


Pass on good news. And we all had fun.

Give your full attention. I actually need to do this one more often.

Applaud a great performance.


Forgive yourself. What'd I do?


Offer a ride to somebody without a car. Sure... um, what?

Laugh. At the joke that no one got.


Buy a meal for someone who’s hungry.

Call a friend you haven’t heard from in awhile.

Lead by example. I don't like to think of myself as "leading" so much as "doing that thing I do that makes people think I'm weird" but apparently I taught someone to be themself. Who knew?


Comfort a friend who needs comforting. There's a reason I don't comfort people. That reason, the fact that I suck at it, don't know what to say and have a bad habit of making people feel worse, is why I don't do it. I'm sorry Jenifer. It got better once I stopped talking.


Help a younger person discover a hidden talent. I helped my brother “discover” that he was an entrepreneur.


Look cashiers in the eye. Thank the bank teller. Do it already.


Invite someone who’s not a part of your inner circle to a friendly gathering. I don’t have an inner circle. I have one friend and one kind of friend, both of whom I met at work, both of whom are on better terms with everyone at work than I am.


Raise money for a cause you believe in.


Teach your children about giving. I don’t have children but I am teaching my brother and niece about it. I’m trying to lead by example but I don’t really spend that much time with them.


Pay the toll for the person behind you. It's hard to do that when the toll roads I use utilize a sticker on the windshield that pays them automatically. I plan to replace this with “Pay the bill for the person behind you”.


Leave a big tip when you are out. I always leave a big tip... if the waitstaff is worth it. 

When you see trash, pick it up.

Spearhead a petition.


Rescue an animal from a shelter.

I need to do eight things... Maybe I can give an old person a ride in my car and get two birds with one stone.

Oh my god, really. No, really.

Gnarls Barkley - Crazy

My life has been so hectic lately I shudder at the thought of putting everything into words. I've encountered so many changes in this past week and a half that I've wanted to run straight to a computer and blog about it but then my hectic life kicks in and I really I have no time to blog! Like right now, I should be studying.

My summer classes end on the 20th and I'm finishing up the coursework in both. I have one test left in Art History as well as one quiz, one test and a discussion in government. Then I get a ten day "break" from school. I put break in quotations because during that ten days I have to finish packing up my apartment, buy a storage, move everything into it and fully settle into Kenneth's place. On the upside, I've moved enough things to Kenneth's that I can comfortably live here 80% of the time.

So the back story to that is... my lease was up in September. His is up in November. I was going to pay monthly until November and we were going to get a place together. Then I found out that paying monthly costs a hundred dollars more a month than my lease did. I complained to Kenneth and the suggestion was made that I just move in with him early.

I've moved my clothes, almost my entire kitchen and everything in the bathroom but the decorations to his place. I did by just loading stuff into my car when I knew I would be coming to see him anyway. So now we live in sin while I pack something in my apartment every few days. I've cleaned out my dresser, the desk and the junk closet. I just need to acquire more boxes to pack my books in, as well as a the rare non-book possession and I'll be fine. We've agreed that my dresser, bed and bookcases will go into storage merely because they won't fit in his apartment.

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Thankfully the cleaning out process fell right about the same time as what I like to call "The Yearly Purge". I basically go through everything and toss out what I don't use, won't use or forgot I had and didn't miss. I then take everything to either Half Price Books, who will assess a value to any books, CDs, DVDs, or software products, and give me a voucher for it.

HPB typically doesn't give much, especially considering that they resell what they can, but it's better than dropping it off at the thrift store and getting nothing for it. That said, whatever HPB won't take gets dropped off at the thrift store. Rarely do I just throw things away.

We're getting a two bedroom when we move out so there's no need to debate which bed we should get rid of. We are, thanks to my suggestion, getting a new, gently used, couch. My couch, while it suited my needs just fine, doesn't suit our mutual needs and his couch set, while it would suit both our needs, is ugly. So we're going to craigslist a new couch when we move out.

What else?

My aforementioned health problems are on the road to being solved. I finally got in to see a physician who ran blood work, as I thought she would, and referred me to a gynecologist. He said everything looked fine and that he thinks my birth control either isn't working or isn't being absorbed so he put me on a different pill. We're going to reassess the situation at the end of September.

That said, I failed, or passed depending on how you see it, all the blood tests. My blood is officially the only normal thing about me.

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Oh! Kenneth went to a sleep study because I let him know he stops breathing when he sleeps and sent me a picture.

QotD: If I Had a Million Dollars...

What would you do with a million dollars?

Quit my job, pay off my car and take a cruise around the world. Though I'm sure that's the generic response. My sister, also known as the person who knows me best, once told me that if I ever won the lottery, I probably wouldn't tell anyone. I was like, "Thank god you know that. Now you won't be hurt by it." And she was like, "Yeah, we'll probably get postcards and money from you but we wouldn't see you for like a year." I pointed out that that was a total and complete lie. I'd have skype.

Really though, if I did suddenly find myself in possession of a million dollars, I'd pay off my car, donate maybe a fourth to charity, put several hundred thousand aside for fun money then go to a financial adviser with the rest and tell them I want to be a billionaire in five years. I'm hoping the fourth I donate to charity, charities of my choosing, will offset my tax burden.

Then I would take two weeks off work and go on a luxury vacation to somewhere awesome. Immediately after that I would take a series of two weeks as often several times a year. I'll just tell people I managed to snag really great travel packages from random websites.

Where would I go? Well... and this is in no particular order

1) The United Kingdom

2) Australia and New Zealand

3) France

4) Japan

5) New York City, San Francisco, and Nome, Alaska

6) Singapore

7) India

8) Antarctica

9) Israel

10) Egypt

11) Tibet

12) Russia

AnJuli and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Really Bad Day

Yes, that title was stolen from a book. More specifically, this book:

 

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Judith Viorst

I've had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Like all bad days, it started two months ago and involves a copious amount of oversharing.

Two months ago, I had a menstrual cycle. There was nothing odd, strange or different about this until two weeks later... when I had another one. I was a bit worried but not overly so. When I was younger and forced to take health class we were told that numerous things affect your monthly cycle and, should any of these things be altered, your period may arrive early, late, or not at all. The only true time to be concerned, we were informed, was if you start missing multiple periods or your period starts coming more and more frequently and will not sefl-regulate.

So I wasn't worried enough to do anything but note the event as odd and move on.

Two week later, I had a third one. This would be a good time to mention that I'm on this awesome "birth control" pill that's supposed to prevent me from having a "monthly visitor" more than four times a year. After my first cycle, the one that occurred at it's normal timing, I should not have had another one for three months. As of this last one, I've had three in six weeks. I had literally menstruated every other week at that point.

I told myself, "Well, this is just weird. If it happens a fourth time, I'll make an appointment to see my Doctor."

It started again exactly a week later. To the day. I've come to hate every other Tuesday. I made an appointment to see my physician. Said appointment should have occurred today.

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I don't see my physician often. Why? I'm 25. I'm in relative good health. I go for the required check-ups and a few months back for my sleep issue but that's still relatively rare. Now, I like to schedule my appointments for anytime before 10am because the doctor is still fresh from last night's slumber and the office staff haven't become raging bitches. My appointment time was 9:30.

I always get there 10-15 minutes early, out of respect for the doctor's time and paperwork. Usually, at this time and at that office, the staff and doctor are so efficient that, when I walk in ten minutes early, I'm talking to the doctor at my appointment time. In fact, I'm normally taken to the back five minutes after getting there and the nurse has done her preliminary check-up and the doctor is greeting me at 9:29.

Today, I waited. And waited. And waited a bit more. I waited until 9:45 before I approached the receptionist's desk and asked them when I would be seen seeing as my appointment time was fifteen minutes ago. The receptionist informed that, and this was a 100% surprise, that I would not be seeing my doctor or his assistant today. No, I would be seeing a newly hired nurse practitioner and she was busy with another patient but I was the next in line.

I was aghast. Shocked. Astounded. Perturbed. I demanded answers and held myself in check so I wouldn't become a nuisance. I was seeing a nurse? I don't like nurses. In the vast world of medicine, paramedics and nurses are mortal enemies. They are the Magneto to our Professor X. The Joker to our Batman. The Lex Luthor to our Clark Kent.

More importantly, I made an appointment to either see my Physician or the Physician Assistant, a woman that I absolutely adore who has listening skills that I envy and lust after. I did not want to see a nurse. I don't care how advanced in her career she was.

I did, however, want to know why I had had four periods in two months so, after questioning if my symptoms could be adequately assessed by a nurse, I shut my mouth and sat down.

Another fifteen minutes passed. I approached the desk again.

The receptionist got an attitude with me. It would have been one thing if I was being rude but all I did was point out that my appointment was scheduled for half an hour ago and I still had not been seen. The receptionist was like, "Well, you're next in line." and I pointed out that she said that fifteen minutes ago. I should have been "next in line" forty minutes ago when I walked in the door.

She rather rudely informed me that I would just have to wait and the nurse would see me when she "had time." I asked for my insurance copay back and left. Then I wrote the doctor, yes, the doctor, an email informing him of what happened and letting him know I would be taking my sporadic need for healthcare elsewhere. I ended the email by pointing out that I may be only one patient he's losing or I may the one patient that's aggressive him enough to tell him I'm not coming back.

I also pulled up the times for Emergency Room waits during the time that I was sitting in his lobby and pointed out, in the email, that those people were only waiting 20-25 minutes to see an actual doctor whom they had not scheduled an appointment for.

 

 

Fefe Dobson - Ghost

This entire situation left me with multiple problems. First of all, I was still bleeding from places that shouldn't be bleeding for another two months. Second of all, I just ditched my doctor. The awesome Physician Assistant that worked with him had moved to Austin. That fact almost makes me want to find out where she's working and start scheduling appointments there. A good medical assessment is worth driving four hours for.

Either way, I went to the insurance website and started looking for a physician that was accepting new patients and could see me... soon. Also, I wanted a female. I found several in my area and ended up making an appointment for tomorrow. The only thing open was at 11:40 am. Yay. The wait is going to suck. But I did make sure that I would be seeing the actual doctor and not some allied health professional.

To make the day even more stressful, I still had a government test to take and I need to do base research for a 10 page paper due in 4 days. I know I should have started it weeks ago but I just barely found a topic that the professor would let me write about.

I got an 80 on my test. I normally get low 90's and, every now and then, a high 90. An 80, to me, is pretty much a giant fail mark on my otherwise perfect testing record. I'm blaming the fact that I was still highly stressed, and menstruating, from the ordeal earlier. We only have two tests left in the class and my new average is 86%.

Stressful. And period altering.

I don't even feel like doing research. Half of me wants to cry and the rest of me want to bury my head in bloody sand and wait for death.

P.A.R.T. Why? Because I got invited.

And I never get invited anywhere! Well, I never get invited to go anywhere unless the inviter is Angie, Kenneth or Jenifer. To be honest, Angie rarely invites me to go anywhere, possibly because she never goes anywhere, and Jenifer and I only hang out once a month or so. Either way, I thought my coworkers all hated me...

Yes, yes I do think everyone hates me. When I first meet someone I always find some reason to think that person can't stand me. Generally that reason exists only in my mind and I never actually go and question the person as to whether or not the dislike I'm creating, and assuming is emanating from them, is real. That said, I have had people that I thought were impartial to me later tell me, "You know, when I first met you, I didn't like you." So there's no way I can be sure that the vibes of loathing only exist in my special corner of reality.

I like everyone. Except my first partner at work but I didn't dislike her until I spent time with her and that's a completely different story.

I digress.

I thought all my coworkers hated me. I would get a sporadic facebook invite to an event I couldn't attend because I was working. I assumed, like every paranoid person would, that they took the time from their day to check the work schedule, see when I'm working, and then plan the event. At that point they would send me an invite and laugh cruelly at their "joke".

I found out last night, when I finally went to one of those sporadic facebook invites, that while the invites were sent out en masse, it was still a selective invitiation. Last night's event was set up by my current partner, and since we work the same shift, she knew I wasn't working. I told her, while we were on duty, that I would go, and she called me yesterday to confirm. So I went.

I had an awesome time. Granted, any place with loud music, crowds of people I don't know, smoking, drinking and a dance floor is immediately on my list of places to avoid but I had a good time at this particular place. They had a mechanical bull.

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I drank like an eighth of a beer, a shot of something clear, danced to one song on the dance floor and did some girly grinding with my partner and one of our favorite volunteers. Then I waited until people started leaving so I could carefully plan my exit.

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Apparently, and Kenneth taught me this, there's an unofficial order for leaving an event and this order is based on your closeness to the both the inviter and the guest of honor. Group one, the first group to leave, are kind of like level three associates. They represent people you know, and like, but don't really spend much time with and aren't that close to.

Then there are the level two people, the second group to go. They're friends but not close friends, definitely not the best friend and some of the family members you're not very fond of. A few level one people can leave with the level two group but only if they have a good excuse. Said excuse can be something like, "Well, I have a long drive ahead of me.", "I have to take the babysitter home.", "I have to work tomorrow.", "My new girlfriend / boyfriend wants to cut out early because she's a level three person and that group already left." The last excuse is unspoken but understood.

The level one people are the very last to leave and, depending on the event and plans for the next day, may just spend the night. This group would consist of the best friend and the favorite family members. Also anyone from levels two or three that were too drunk to drive. However, a level three person should experience great embarrassment the next morning for passing out in the bathroom. A level two person can play it off.

Kenneth wanted me to amend this to point out that a level three or level two person, should they arrive with a level one, are level one by default. Apparently the inviting party's love of the level one eclipses their dislike of the level two / three. He also wanted it pointed out that he said nothing about passing out in the bathroom.

Either way, last night I left after the level twos but before the level ones. I stayed a good hour and a half later than the level three and 45 minutes after the level twos. See, I pulled off being social.

That picture of Kenneth? I left my pajama shirt at his place and he took several pictures of himself wearing it. That was the most hilarious.